Beginning of an End

Current mood: calm

Tomorrow I start my new job. woo hooo. I'm excited. it should be fun, I should be in bed probably too. lol. I'm going to go soon.

I've been reading this book, but so slow compared to what I should be, "Jupiter's bones." It's pretty good, and well written. I enjoy it, but pretty busy lately with trying to get the job and all so I haven't had much of a chance to do it very much.

About all I have written is squiggley lines in the last week. My mind has a lot on it, so I will just let it seep out as it wants to I guess. Anyway, Off I go...

Wholesome Bits

Current mood: cheerful


Well, I got a job. Hurray. It's as a graphic designer too, go figure. My degree is finally coming in handy. hah. I'm happy, excited, and all that mumbo jumbo. :) A 50gallon jug was just removed from my shoulders. Yeah!


I finally went to the movies. There are a ton of movies out right now I would love to go see, but I haven't gone in a long time. I won't be until i get paid again either. BUT, I went and saw Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. I loved it. It was fabulous. I think it was my favorite Harry Potter movie yet. I won't say too much just in case some of you who want to see it haven't yet. I just really liked it. :) Granted it didn't follow the book exactly, but it still had all the important pieces, in my opinion.

I haven't read the latest Harry Potter book yet though. I will probably buy it when I get paid for the first time. Yes, it's true, I am a Harry Potter geek. I admit it. They are just so well written and entertaining. hehe. I love them. I do. And Please don't tell me the ending of the last book. lol.

Another good note, now that I have a job I'll be able to work on my writing again a lot more often.

I also went skating today and it hurt. I went with my brother up to where we used to train and did some laps and some hill training. Holy hell am I sore. I can't believe how good of shape I used to be in! It's CRAZY. Worse... I can't believe how out of shape I have gotten. haha. It's fun though and brought back some great memories. It's been a long time, but I enjoy it a lot. Looking forward to the next time. Might be tomorrow, might be the day after. Who knows, we didn't discuss that... though we did discuss many other topics of interest today. Some future plans of his that I guess he wants my thoughts on, and stuff like that. It was a good time.

When it rains.. it's acid and it burns....

Been sitting here most of the day filling out the same information over and over and over. It has made my mind almost stop functioning. It is mind numbing. Really... my mind feels like Jelloooooo... or maybe Marshmallows. Either way.. squishy and gooey. Oh wait, it's probably like that anyway. hah.

I did really well on my paper for class last week though. I got a 100%, which is pretty good, I'd say. I'm quite happy about it. Especially since I had a hard time writing it with all the crap going on inside of my head lately. It was difficult to sort it out so that I could type a coherent sentence. But... apparently it worked out in the end.

Why is like... everytime one bad thing happens another seems to pop up right after? One of my oldest friends, someone I have been extremly close with is now suddenly pushing me away as I am trying to be closer. It seems like anything I do just makes it worse and I really cannot grasp what the hell is going on. It is extremly frustrating. I just... don't.... get... it.....

My mind is really going numb. Lost your job, lose your girlfriend, lose one of your closest friends... lose your mind. Yeah... that sounds about right. Do you work through it? Of course... but the question is... does it work? Apparently not.

Frigid Chalk

Sooo, I lose my job. How much does that suck? A lot. Over something ridiculous too. So now, you got it, I must go find a job... again. Anyone hiring? Hah. Well at least I worked there for 8 months almost, so that is good at least. Anyway, I have been sending out resumes and stuff already, so we'll see what happens.

During all of this I forgot I was in school. I know that sounds really crazy, but my classes are all online, so I don't have to physically go anywhere. Luckily, I remembered before the week was up and turned in my work, but I did miss some particpation points, which sucks. Only a few of them though, so it shouldn't kill me.

Then of course, there is my writing. I was hoping to work on it quite a bit more, but now that I have to try to find a new job, I don't really have much time at the moment. Such is life I suppose. Just when evertyhing seemed to be going so well too. I think I'm going to have to force some time in for it. I really don't want to stop working on it too much!

Released

Current mood: ecstatic


I am in the best mood ever. I thought I would share a little poem.(Written by me of course )

Released

I see you there...
Flying High,
Freely passing me by,
Beautiful...serene...
A gift to be seen,
Truly.

These shackles have held me long,
No matter how hard I fought,
They were just too strong,
Deeply cutting,
Me.

I see you there...
Flying High,
Freely passing me by,
Beautiful...serene...
A gift to be seen,
Truly.

My heart yearns for you...
The freedom you possess.
Surely, this must be another test.
I reach up towards you,
The chains stay still.

I see you there...
Flying High,
Freely passing me by,
Beautiful...serene...
A gift to be seen,
Truly.

I struggle...
The pain burns deep...
Of the past.
It all went by so fast,
A blur
I do not remember.


I see you there...
Flying High,
Freely passing me by,
Beautiful...serene...
A gift to be seen,
Truly.

You land before me
And Transform
Take me somewhere...
Not the Norm.
The shackles loosen at your touch,
My feet are set free.


Our lips unite with a blazing passion,
The past quickly becomes forgotten
On a whim.

As we begin to take flight,
Freely passing other by...
A smile with a joyous cry,
I love you.

Solidifying The Self

Current mood: cheerful

The weather keeps changing today. I can't figure out if it's sunny or cloudy because every other time I look out the window it looks different. The temperature dropped quite a bit today, but at least it hasn't been raining.

I finally did something I should have done a long time ago. I went to the library and got a library card. I never really made it around to that side of town very often, but I finally decided to make a point in doing it. Besides, I keep running out of books to read and I can get more there for free. Seems like a good deal to me. My intentions is to start reading some books I wouldn't normally read, which means anything but fantasy for the most part. I've read other genres, of course, but I don't usually go around looking for them. So, I got myself a book called "Jupiter's Bones" by Faye Kellerman. So far it is pretty good. Feel free to give me some suggestions on some reading material if you know a good book. :)

I know some of you might be wondering why I always talk about my writing but never have any available to for you to read(except the few times my brain leaks into the blog and puts some poems or something odd on the page). Well, I am working on that. I actually have an entire new site being built that is dedicated to my writing only. It will include short stories, poems, and information about the books I have written. The web address is www.wordsofmylife.com
I hope those of you who wish to read some of my writing will go there and check it out when it is ready! I'll make an official announcement when it is complete, but for now I thought I'd plant the bug in your ear!

Speaking of writing, I have a few pieces that I haven't completed yet. Sometimes I start and life just gets in the way and I have to come back later. Then sometimes when I should go back to it another story pops into my head and I work on that instead. Hah.

I went skating again and it was nice. I managed to get an upgrade to my skates (which I needed badly) from my brother and we went out. It doesn't hurt nearly as bad as it did the first time. At least I can walk afterwards now. I can even lift my foot high enough to put my foot n the break or the gas pedal. Even better yet, I can actually go faster and it feels good to finally get out and feel the wind on my face again. If only those 50 foot long wooden bridges were a little bit less bumpy so I could keep going with almost falling on my face....

I also started training in martial arts again. Or Kickboxing, whichever you care to call what I do. It doesn't matter to me. Correcting my sloppy form from slacking is not so fun, but at least I know how to do it.

It's coming together though. All of it. Everything. Myself. Like a chaotic mess suddenly coming together and forming something imperfect and beautiful. Life, that is. Gotta love it. :)

To There From Here

Current mood: calm


So, here is where I am at in my life. I can see clearly what is ahead of me, all of my goals and dreams laid out within my reach. I am, however, not happy with what I see around me. I am not happy being where I am right now, in my life, which sucks. Fortunately, I know I will not be staying here forever, as long as I can keep the steam going long enough to reach what I see ahead of me. It's all there.. every single thing I have always wanted... right in front of me... don't screw it up now, eh?

Kind of like that song by eminem, "Lose Yourself." If you haven't heard it, you should. :)

It's time to get it done. Let's do this.

Interloping Eardrums

Current mood: chipper

Pssst... over here. Shhh. They're listening.

Seems like everywhere I go anymore I have to watch what I say or it will come back and bite me because people like to take comments out of context. I don't really understand the thrill in taking what someone says and making it sound like they said something awful when they didn't. It's a little irritating. Just.. a tad. I mean, come on, grow the hell up. Seriously.

Yesterday was the first day I have done nothing with my writing in awhile. My eyes were starting to bleed from staring at the screen so long. (Not literally.. well kinda.) I just needed a break. I'll pick it back up today, and work on it some more tomorrow too. Although I do have to write my paper for school still and it's due on monday. Fortunately, I don't usually have any problems writing my research papers. That's one nice benefit of being a writer, stringing together comments and research is much easier to do (I think) than it is for a lot of people. Although I never really asked, so I just might be wrong. hah.

I've been talking to my girlfriend a lot lately. Learning a lot and of course, falling more in love with her with every new thing I learn. She seems to be with me too, which is obviously making me very happy. I've been in this little row boat (see just about every post in february on my main blog) before, believing in a long distance relationship just to find out that the person was not telling me the truth when I was about to show up at the doorstep for the first time. The difference this time, however, is I have known her for years, I believe it's four or five, to be more descriptive, and one thing I know is she is not full of shit. Never once to me, ever, in all of the years I have known her has she lied to me, mislead me, or tried to decieve me. (nor anyone else that I know of.) Sometimes I wish she would have because some stuff in the past has been hurtful, but unfortunately, it was also the truth, which is probably why it hurt so bad.

I have made quite a few mistakes in my past and one thing that irritates me endlessly is people who refuse to let me admit the mistakes and see that I did do them. Like, say, those people who are like, "Oh it was not your fault," and then try to put all the blame on someone else. HELLO! I fucked up, I know it, shit, let me take the brunt of the blame and hold it on my shoulders. It's okay, I most definitely learn from my mistakes... which it seems a lot people can't say.

Chump Change

I was bored earlier in the week, like a day ago to be specific, so I counted up some of the change I had been putting into a sack on my desk. I was amazed at how much I had saved by just throwing my change into the little baggy. Sooo, now I am paying my car insurance with it. Yep, it was that much. Haha. It makes me laugh just to think about it.

I did 4 chapters for my book yesterday, which made me quite happy too. It took me quite awhile, but it came out well. I'm getting really excited about all of this. I am going to give it everything I have because I have been wanting to be an author for a long long time, and right now, this just feels so right. Everything is pointing me in the direction to jump now and go go go. So.. I am.

Uncle Kevin

Sooooo apparently my little brother's wife is in the hospital having her baby. That would make me an uncle, yep. I got home from work today and there was a message on the answering machine, though at the time she had not had the baby yet, but supposedly would sometime in the next few hours. (that was like 4-5 hours ago.)

I got myself up early today... I got 3.5 hours of sleep, roughly. woo hooo. Wasn't sure how much I would get to talk to my girlfriend since it's a holiday today, but she said if I get up earlier enough I would at least get to talk to her, therefore, I got up earlier than she mentioned. lol. It's hard sometimes, being so far away, so I do what I can to spend time with her when she is available.

I think I might do a little workout today too. Although I did some yesterday and my abs are stiff.. and my shoulders... and my legs. But, that's okay, it feels good, oddly enough. I've been working out for awhile now, and I am nt even sure if I have been losing wait, but I know I have certainly been getting stronger and my clothes seem to fit a little better now, lol. I take that as a good sign of change, if nothing else.

I think I'll work on my writing a little bit again today too. Yeah,that sounds good... as soon as my eyes focus and I am actually awake, of course...

Happy Independance day!!!

Current mood: awake


Happy Fourth of July everyone!!!!!!!!!!!

Write some more to be an author to adore

Current mood: chipper

write..write, and write some more, to be an author.. author...to adore. I hope. hah. Once I write, I must then edit, and edit.. and revise, and edit some more, and then check the formatting of the document to make sure it fits what is needed to be printed. Then of course, I have to cross reference my material with the other pieces of story to make sure that it all fits together like a perfectly completed puzzle by the end. Believe it or not, it's a lot of work to write a book... a novel, something that people will want to read and enjoy.

I'm a bit tired today, I actually just got up not too long ago because I didn't get off of work until 8am. The weather is not very good either. It isn't raining... yet, but it's looking like it will, which makes me sleepy. I have to do some more work on my book today before i head to work too, so that should be fun, you know, being groggy and all. Is groggy even a word? lol Well, whatever, either way, I'm not fully awake yet, because this is my early morning and I didn't have any coffee.

Speaking of something to drink though, I should go get some water to drink, I actually love water now adays. It's good, and as soon as i take my first drink of it I can feel my entire body relax. I used to drink Soda like crazy, and I mean a lot of it, but I barely drink any at all now. When I do have some it makes my body feel somewhat sickly and I kind of realized it is just kind of gross. BUT, like I said, I do still drink some anyway. :)

Anyway, I am off to get the water and go back to dreamland, and I don't mean sleep.. I mean my book. :)

This Place of Mine: Getcha Moto Goin

This Place of Mine: Getcha Moto Goin

Getcha Moto Goin

Getcha Moto Goin Current mood: bouncy

I have discovered that I actually become more energetic during the night than I am during the day right now. That is probably because I work third shift so much. It kind of sucks, but what can I do, eh? Not much, right now at least.

I didn't get to work on my writing as much as I would have prefered today, but I guess you can't always get around to that stuff when you want to. I did spend hours talking with my absolutely magnificient girlfriend though, and I tell you, the more we talk the more I fall in love with her. She's spectacular. Tonight she surprised me with some goodies, and well.. I am was and still quite thankful. Hehe.

Anyway, i have a bit of editing to do with my book still, though mostly reformatting. It's rather torturous, but at the same time I love it. On a good note, I enjoy reading my book after not working on it for a year or so, which to me is a very good sign because it's like reading somene else's work now. I'm excited to get it completed. The book itself has been finished for quite awhile, and I am excited to start the second book for it too. I am really excited about a lot of stuff that is happening in my life right now, not just my book.

At some point, time still unknown, I will be moving in with my girlfriend. (It could be a month, it could be a year, who knows), but the thought makes me want to jump and cheer. haha. Same with my book, getting myself out there, preparing to throw something I have dreamed of doing out into the world.. scared that no one will like it, but at the same time confident that people will love it. It's a pretty big risk tossing my vision to the world and possibly everyone hating it. I am sure you can see why I might be nervous, after all, it is my first one.I spent a lot of time on it though, so we shall see. :)

I hope you all enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it! It will still be months before it is out anyway, so it should be a finely tuned machine by then, haha. :)

My Brain Hurts!

Current mood: blank

That's a lot of thinking. I have been feeling a little bit stressed lately, trying to keep up with everything and it has taken it's small toll on my relationship, which sucks. My brain gets rattled and that makes me misunderstand or miscommunicate, which obviously is not good when trying to fix a problem, it just makes it worse.

It doesn't help when the weather is crappy either, it will often make me moody, or cranky, especially when I am already feeling a bit stretched.

I did figure out that I talk in riddles half the time though, so it's no wonder that certain people can't understand what I am trying to say. The curse of a poet, maybe, who knows. Get myself tongue tied when trying to speak, and it comes out a lot like "gogoolgyl ahlaoolaaa." If you can comprehend that you deserve an award because I sure don't. :)

I should get myself some food... I've only had one small container of yogurt today, and that isn't much. I'm trying to lose my belly, so I am starting to eat different foods and smaller portions. We'll see how it goes in a month or two.