Take a Cookie

Current mood: aggravated

Yesterday was an interesting day. I was not looking forward to the first part of it as I was going to a family picnic, which is to say, it's basically a family reunion. However, within this usually unhappy time for myself I found myself a little bit happier than expected and more than I have been lately. It has been a long while since I have been around so many family members and did not feel out of place or embarrassed. I know that sounds terrible, but for a long time I distanced myself from them for my own personal reasons, which I now realize was rather silly. I realized... they are people, just like me, like you, like everyone else I know and they all have their stories and their memories and it is all very interesting. I walk this part of life and was thankful for them in my life for the first time in as far as I can remember. It was good to see them, truly.

Oddly enough, the part I was looking forward to I did not find as much gratification in. I was meeting up with some 'friends' to have a bonfire like we used to do back in the day and I was pretty excited. I was waiting impatiently for them to eventually show up and they did finally. It had been about a year since I saw them, so I was sure it would be a good time. Anyway, we got the fire started and started talking a little chit chat here and there. One of them asked about my new job so I started talking about that, and then one way or another I started talking about my daughter and he made some sly comment about "Oh so we got the paperwork done and we know she is yours then?" I didn't laugh. I have been down that road with him so many times now and I would have expected after a year that he would accept it as the truth, but apparently I was wrong. I simply replied, "I have no reason to doubt it," and I moved on with the conversation even though it pissed me off. I've come to expect these types of things from him, so it was not a huge surprise, though still a bit disappointing.

From there, or maybe it was before this, I don't recall exactly, but I started talking about my current girlfriend and I told them that she had cancer and may not be around much longer. The same one from before laughed and said, "Boy you sure know how to pick them." This is where I envisioned myself stepping across the fire and punching him square in the face and then told him to get the fuck out of my yard. I didn't though. It took a lot for me to hold myself back, I was completely offended and appauled. I relapsed into thinking, "Did he just laugh and make a joke out of my girlfriend possibly dying?" I was then really pissed. REALLY pissed. How tacky, how rude, how...I don't know, but it showed me that they really do not care about my life and what is important to me. At least he doesn't. None, zero, zilch, nada. Now maybe it is because he hasn't had a girlfriend in so long that he has desensitzed himself from what it might be like, I don't really know. I think it was good for me to sit there and listen to them talk, listen to their troubles and the stuff they have been going through the last 6 months to a year, and normally I wouldn't have a problem with that, but for once, I needed a friend, I needed someone to listen and instead I got sarcasm and sly remarks and it was so clear that they, or he, did not care.

So, I sit here today, pretty upset, shocked, hurt, angry... furious that this happened. I'm really not so sure that I can call this person friend anymore. Not like this, not after that. And for anyone, ANYONE who thinks this is funny, you can take the handle of a plunger and go sit on it.

So there's your cookie.